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Grandparents: pals or pressure!

Introduction

“Grandparents raising their grandchildren”, “grandparent caregivers”, “grandparents-as-parents” and “grandparent-headed families” are interchangeable terminologies which refer to the families where grandparents provide full time parental care to their grandchildren in the absence of the children’s biological parents. In this era of recession where the people are losing their jobs at a much faster rate, parenting is becoming a big worry and therefore parents are becoming more inclined and turning to their own parents to rear their children because of several reasons including the financial insecurity and also because they are seeking jobs elsewhere and therefore grandparents raise their grandchildren due to the inability of the children’s parents to effectively meet their parenting responsibilities. There are other conditions when grandparents become the full-time parent, may be either because of the death of the parent or a parent is away in the military, or because of the career of the parent(s) demand support to rear their kids, and rarely because of the grandparents living along with their children as a single joint family or under the rarest circumstances when the parent/s may be mentally ill, incarcerated, or merely and regrettably incapable of caring for their children (Proud Grandparents).

In many Western societies grandparents have play a dual role- as care providers of their grandchildren and also as grandchild’s parents. And therefore provide full-time parenting role for their grandchildren. This includes a number of changes in family structure and social conditions (Kornhaber, 1996).

Grandparents raising grandchildren is not a new phenomenon. Historically, they have always stood to take over the care of their grandchildren in times of family crisis and have played major roles in raising their grandchildren (Kornhaber, 1996). The growing social phenomenon in USA showed 44% increase over the preceding decade in the number of children living with their grandparents or other relatives. According to the Census 2000 Supplementary survey between 2.3 and 2.4 million grandparents have primary responsibility for the care and upbringing of 4.5 million children (Hayslip & Patrick, 2003a). This phenomenon has captured the attention of researchers, service providers and policy makers in the USA, resulting in a number of interventions to assist grandparents raising grandchildren (Hayslip & Kaminski, 2005).

The U.S. 2000 Census displays that around 2.5 million families with grandparents raising their grandchildren (Kornhaber, 1996). The number is on rise as many families do support other relatives, who act as parents, for e.g. raising their brother or sister's children or, even yet, raising their niece or nephew's children. It is an observation that at times grandparents are at work also and still raising their grandchildren. There is a kind of mental, emotional, or financial boding between grandparents and their grandchildren and with time it becomes more than overwhelming or loving, friendly relationship develops between two different generations. Grandparents willingly do everything, for their grandchildren from needing diapers and formula, an appropriate car seat for the toddler, or may it be dealing with a drug-addicted teenager or helping the grandchild if the grandchild is physically or mentally challenged. In return children also develop a bond of love with their grandparents and listen to them more than their own parents.

In this case of physically challenged children, it becomes essential for grandparents to procure financial support. With the age, it becomes difficult and challenging for the grandparents to raise their grandchildren and themselves may be dependent on medicines but it is the faith of the grandparents that drive them to take good care about themselves and also about their future generation, the grandchildren. The bond between both these generations is of pure love and affection. Most of the grandparents express their feelings about their spiritual temperament and think themselves to be directly connected to God or the Divine power in their lives.

On the part of grandparent also it requires lot of patience, courage and dedication to rear a second family. Moreover, grandparents struggle with the family conditions that have directed them to such circumstances. The meaning of the relationship in terms of physical, emotional, social, legal and financial challenges has changed when compared to the situation when they were rearing their own children. After becoming grandparents the meaning of parenthood changes and more softness comes from within for the grandchild as compared to own child. This may become devastating as some of the grandparents ignore most of the deeds their grandchild is doing which may be wrong but out of sheer affection they ignore them. Children of the present generation have good grasping and awareness and then gradually this becomes their habit which is otherwise difficult to avoid.

It is the care giving relationship where care is shown from both the sides. Children feel more comfortable with their grandparents because of several reasons, they feel free as the grandparents spare time for them and are not in hurry for some office work, they feel free as grandparents often tell them stories and about the childhood days and deeds of their own parents. These actions are fascinating for the grandchildren.

In 2002, the southeastern offices of ACF and AoA collaboratively facilitated the formation of a consortium of federal, state, academic, aging and community organizations in Georgia to identify the needs of grandparent-headed families, and to develop a collaborative model to address their needs. U.S. Census, 2005 American Community Survey (Healthy Marriage).

Nationally, 2.4 million grandparents are taking on the responsibility for their grandchildren’s basic needs. 47.2% of all care-giving grandparents in the nation live in the South. Of the grandparent caregivers living in poverty, 23% live in the South (the highest % in the nation). 28% of the grandparent caregivers in the South are over 60 years old. 32% of the grandparent caregivers in South have cared for grandchildren for 5 or more years (Healthy Marriage).

Grandparents rear their grandchildren for the following-

1. Financial assistance- when parents are not getting enough salary to fulfill the needs of their children they are send to stay with their grandparents for financial assistance. In some cases reverse could be the condition. People pay to their parents to take care of their children and in return grandparents take the responsibility of rearing their grandchildren.
2. Health Insurance- diabetes, heart disease, obesity and HIV/AIDS are a few illnesses which can be covered by the Insurance companies. Some of the Insurance companies do not cover AIDS and cancer diseases. Since most of the illnesses of the grandparents are taken care by the Insurance companies, so they can take care of their grandchildren and bear their expenses.
3. Housing assistance- as people are moving out of Georgia for the jobs so they have to manage with the expenses and rental accommodation. In order to save money on rent as house rents are too high in other states of United States therefore they are bound to keep their children with their parents (Healthy Marriage) and shift in a small accommodation to save money on rent.
4. Child care assistance- child care is the biggest concern for the parents. It becomes more when both the parents are working outside and have to travel to the office. Crutch facilities are available and babysitting arrangements are raising but still people prefer parents over these facilities (Healthy Marriage).
5. Legal assistance- in Georgia separation and divorce cases are also gaining prominence and therefore legal assistance is of much concern for the children. It is therefore single parents have to be dependent on their parents for assisting their child/ children (Healthy Marriage).
6. Support group- legal, education, financial and child care. These groups help in rearing the child in terms of legal concern if the parents or the marriage is going through a divorce or a broken relationship or if the education of the grandchild is of concern of the financial dependency of the grandchild is concerned. Under these conditions grandchildren count on grandparents to provide them with support.
7. Respite opportunities- once in a life time opportunity arises and to avail that to give a break in the career and to meet the demand of the time in jobs it becomes compulsion for the parent to leave the child to the grandparents to take care. Moreover parents have an understanding and a blind faith on their own parents that when they have reared us they can rear our child also with love, care and affection.
8. Mental health- depression, stress suicide prevention, separation and loss. It is more prevalent in high school children and also in the collegiate. It is therefore imperative that grandparents should share their life experiences to smoothen the worries and agony of their grandchildren and help them to overcome depression, or any kind of stress or thoughts of attempting suicide, separation from friend and loss of exams or a year or any financial loss.
9. Kinship care resource centre- affiliation to the care resource centers often help to overcome many rearing problems not only in terms of aids but also in terms of companionship to the grandchildren.
10. Conferences- grandparents can be the best friend of the grandchild and therefore these lasting relationship should carryout discussions related to the worries of grandchild or related to education, financial crisis etc.
11. Family relationship- substance abuse and teenage pregnancy is coming up as big issues. At times grandchild feel missed out and lonely or ditched. It is not always that grandparents have a good understanding with the grandchild and their frequencies match! In some cases grandchild enters into the relationship with opposite sex that they cross all the limitations. If this fates as a pregnancy then it becomes a serious issue. To take care of grandchild is therefore becoming problematic and problems are from both sides related to the understanding and thinking and justification of thoughts of their own times becomes the matter of conflict between the grandparents and grandchildren (Kornhaber, 1996).
12. Children’s issues parenting and child rearing, eating disorders/obesity and self-esteem- at times grandchildren are stubborn and are difficult to tackle. On the other hand grandparent may have certain habits which are not accepted by the grandchild then it becomes difficult to cope with the relationship (Uhlenberg and Kirby, 1998).
13. Family violence- child abuse and elder abuse. At times it is seen that many parents do not have a very good relationship among themselves nor do they have good relationship with their children. When these parents become grandparents still family violence continues leaving serious psychological implications on the child’s mind. Family issues at times are taken over to the court and this creates agony in disrespect in the young minds (Uhlenberg and Kirby, 1998).
14. Emergency/Crisis Intervention Services Payment (CRISP) – A one-time cash payment to care-giving grandparents for any verified need, up to three times the maximum TANF benefit for the family.
15. Grandparents- Raising Grandchildren Monthly Subsidy Payment – Grandparent-headed families can receive $50/child/month to assist with child care expenses. The grandchild does not have to be in State custody for grandparents to access it (Healthy Marriage).

Research into the historical and demographic trends of grandparenthood in American society by Uhlenberg and Kirby (1998) disclosed that writers in the early twentieth century believed that grandparental interference contributed to the negative image of grandparents at that time. Also, a review of late twentieth century literature into grandparent role expectations by ASzinovacz (1998) revealed widespread support for the belief that grandparents were expected to be available in times of family crisis, but should not interfere in the parenting of their grandchildren. This rule out a belief that grandparents should not interfere in the lives of their grandchildren is diametrically opposed to the role of grandparents who are raising their grandchildren.

Grandparents today are healthier, better educated and more affluent than previous generations and increased longevity has changed the face of grandparenthood (Korenhaber, 1996).

Konhaber’s (1996) grandparent study in the USA revealed that a number of changes in the way families are structured, together with economic and social stresses, have had a marked effect on the grandparent role. The social changes identified in that study included the feminist movement of the seventies, advances in medical and communication technologies, changes to the traditional family structure, modern divorce laws, increase in drug and alcohol abuse as well as an increase in child abuse and neglect.

The three major concerns of the grandparents of today are:

1. The role grandparents now play in the provision of childcare for preschool children and before-and-after school care and holiday care for school-aged children.
2. Grandparent’s contact with grandchildren after their parents separate and/ or divorce and also when they re-partner or marry. For some grandparents the effects of divorce may be either positive or negative (Ferguson, 2004). During the course some grandparents develop a closer relationship with their grandchildren and assume greater care giving and supportive roles. On the other hand, for some divorce within the family network can mean being denied access to grandchildren and losing contact with them altogether.
3. Another change that concerns grandparents who take on a parenting role rather than a supporting grandparent role with their grandchildren.

Reasons to take parenting role

A wide range of social factors has contributed to the escalation in the number of grandparents raising their grandchildren worldwide. Drug and alcohol abuse has been cited as the most dramatic causal factor in USA, also world-wide spread of HIV/ AIDS has also been a major contributing factor in the increase in grandparental care. (Fuller- Thomson & Minkler, 2000; Richard 2001).

Divorce, teen pregnancy, a rise in the number of sole-parent families and the associated problems of raising children alone, have also been cited as reasons why grandparents are taking on the parenting role (Minkler, 1999). According to Kornhaber because of high divorce rates in the USA, many children wind up living with their grandparents either by choice or by abandonment. In USA grandparents are also the primary care givers of children of many teen mothers. According to Minkler (1999), welfare reforms which make receipt of benefits by teenagers contingent on either living with their parents, being in school and / or having a job, may have the effect of pressuring increasing numbers of grandparents into becoming the primary caregivers for their grandchildren.

In USA the rate of incarceration of women has increased substantially over the last decade and research indicates that grandparents are the primary care providers to over 50% of children of imprisoned mothers (Smith, Beltran et al, 2000).

Mental health problems have also been a contributing factor towards grandparents raising their grandchildren. Research in the USA by Ackerson (2003) shows that parenting can often present major difficulties for people with mental health problems and grandparents are often the most frequent careers if a parent is hospitalized.

A study into grandparent headed families in the USA revealed that children in the care of grandparents were more likely to experience cognitive emotional and physical challenges and their early traumatic experiences could lead to difficulties in communication and forming attachments (Smith, Beltran et al, 2000).

According to Minkler and Roe (1993), USA studies believed that raising their grandchildren had given them a second chance at parenting, a sense of pride and accomplishment a new lease on life. In another two studies, focus was made on psychological costs and benefits of raising grandchildren, grandparents talked about the joy of sharing their grandchild’s life, the enjoyment of participating in activities with their grandchildren and being able to help grandchildren learn new skills (Giarrusso, Silverstein et al, 2000).

The challenges facing grandparents who are raising their grandchildren have been the subject of much research. Physical and emotional health problems reveal that grandparent care giving was directly associated with high levels of depression (Minkler, Fuller-Thomson, Miller & Driver, 2000).

However, it is imperative to understand that grandparent care giving can also be beneficial to the health of grandparents. In a US based study by Waldrop and Weber (2001), grandparents have shown their views regarding their lifestyle and they feel more active and healthier as a result of raising grandchildren.

The implications are wide and thought provoking. But who are these families? The number of grandparent caregivers is growing. The phenomenon of families headed by grandparents is not unique to a particular population group or geographic area. The only prerequisite is being a grandparent—and even that may not be necessary, because aunts, uncles, siblings and godparents are also raising children not their own.

Summary

Along with the usual demands involved in becoming a parent again, grandparent caregivers may face many other emotional, legal, social and financial challenges. They often lack support services, especially respite services. They may find it difficult to locate affordable housing and legal counsel or to obtain medical care and insurance coverage for their grandchildren. Their new situation may create extreme stress, which in turn may cause physical and mental health problems, such as exhaustion or depression. While their friends may be looking forward to retirement, grandparent caregivers may be trying to balance work, child care and parent-teacher conferences. Grandparents who have already retired may be forced to go back to work to cover the expenses of raising a second family. In addition, grandparent caregivers often lack support from peers because of their unique situation. Respite is one form of family support most often needed (Bjorklund, 2001). The need for respite services by this population is paramount, because many grandparents are "going it alone." Although they may struggle with their new parenting responsibilities, many are not involved with any social service agency or even with an informal support network. These grandparents have a great need for sustained support, but they may be unfamiliar with respite services, or, if they have heard of respite, may not know where to find the services. They may believe such services are available only to parents. For these reasons, it is crucial that respite services reach out to grandparent caregivers through family service agencies, senior centers, religious institutions and schools. Another important avenue for outreach can be found in local support groups for grandparents raising grandchildren. Many grandparent caregivers seek out support groups of other grandparent caregivers as a way to combat isolation and to pool resources. In many ways, grandparents raising a second family have lost their peer group. Their contemporaries are not involved in rearing children, and many of their friends and relatives may be unable to handle the challenges of caring for a child again. Support groups offer grandparents who face common problems the opportunity to meet each other and share their experiences, knowledge, strengths and hopes. Parenting classes are also a good way for grandparents to obtain support while updating their child rearing knowledge (Bjorklund, 2001).

Linking respite services with support groups is an important way to reach and assist grandparents on an ongoing basis. Because respite can provide continuous care giving breaks, this partnership is especially crucial for grandparents who are raising grandchildren with special needs. A large number of children being raised by grandparents may fall into this category, because children whose parents are absent are likely to have been affected by substance abuse, neglect or other traumas (Bjorklund, 2001).

Children develop an understanding to tackle with the situation as they have shared the stories with their grandparents and could understand how the life and circumstances should be taken. It is a perpetual relationship and children also understand how to cope in difficulties of pain and anguish and how to help the ailing when they help their grandparents. This creates a humane bonding between them. When children are staying with their grandparents then they become mature and are not reactionary towards the situation rather they think logically and are not selfish. This temperament helps them to resolve the difficulties with ease (Bjorklund, 2001).

Staying with grandparents is full of accomplishments provided proper understanding is developed between the two groups. Grandparents must also behave with maturity with their grandchildren to build confidence in them even in the situations like family violence to stay and stand as a rock rather than crying around and abusing parents for their disputes.

When grandparents are living in the family as a joint family then disputes are taken care by them. It becomes all the more responsibility of the head of the family to take care that disputes do not occur and they should take the responsibility of creating a congenial and co-operative atmosphere in the family where even the biggest problem doesn’t seem to be big and taken care with ease. The family bonding is all about parenting and affection, to stand by each other in difficulties and enjoy together all the happy moments. It is about sharing and therefore achievements of a child become double when grandparents provide their enduring shelter (Bjorklund, 2001).

It is the need of time to have an understanding towards the humane rather than living with disputes for the progress of the family, for society and for the nation and hence for the world. We are human beings this thought must be deep inculcated in individual’s mind and family is a unit of the society, broken family leads to broken and disputed society and here no progress can be made. Grandparents should therefore take the charge of providing a better future with their experiences to their grandchildren.

At times grandparents feel loss of their traditional grandparent role, together with the shift in commitment to the grandparent-as-parent role has resulted in a space of difference between the ideal and the real of being a grandparent. This space of difference is made up of a series of binary experiences described as myth/reality, visible/ invisible, deserving/ undeserving, voice/ silenced, included/ excluded. This has impacted grandparents self esteem and self-verification processes.

References

1. Ackerson, B. J (2003). Coping with the dual demands of severe mental illness and parenting: The parents perspective. Families in Society: The Journal of Contemporary Human Services, 84(1), 109-119.

2. Bjorklund, R. R., Bee, H. L. (2001). The Journey of Adulthood. Prentice Hall.

3. Fuller-Thomson, E., Minkler, M. (2000). America’s grandparent caregivers: Who are they? In Hayslip, B. and Goldberg-Glen (Eds). Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Theoretical, Emperical and Clinical Perspectives, Springer Publishing Co New York.

4. Fuller-Thomson, E., Minkler, M. (2003). Housing issues and realities facing grandparent caregivers who are renters. The Gerontologist, 43(1), 92-98.

5. Fuller-Thomson, E., Minkler, M. Driver, D (2000). A profile of grandparents raising grandchildren in the United States in Cox, C. B. (Ed). To Grandmother’s House We Go and Stay: Perspectives on Custodial Grandparents, Springer Publishing Co. New York.

6. Giarrusso, R., Silverstein, M., Feng, D. (2000). Psychological costs and benefits of raising grandchildren: Evidence from a national survey of grandparents. In Cox, C. E (Ed). To Grandmother’s House We Go and Stay: Perspectives on Custodial Grandparents, Spriger Publishing Co. New York.

7. Hayslip, B., Kaminski, P. L. (2005). Grandparents raising their grandchildren. Marriage and Family Review 37(1/2), 147-169.

8. Hayslip, B., Patrick, J. H. (Eds). (2003a). Working with Custodial Grandparents. Springer Publsishing Co. New York.

9. Healthy Marriage www.friendsnrc.org/download/07confpres/grand.pps

10. Kornhaber, A. (1996). Contemporary Grandparenting, Sage Publications. Thousand Oaks, CA.

11. Kornhaber, A., Woodward, K. L. (19810. Grandparents/ Grandchildren: The Vital Connection. Anchor Press/ Doubleday. NewYork.

12. Minkler, M. (1999). Intergenerational households headed by grandparents: Contexts, realities and implications for policy.Journal of Aging Studies, 13(2). 199-213.

13. Minkler, M., Fuller- Thomson, E., Miller, D., Driver, D. (2000). Grandparent caregiving and depression in Hayslip, B and Goldberg- Glen (Eds0. Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Theoretical, Emperical and Clinical Perspectives, Springer Publishing Co NewYork.

14. Minkler, M., Roe, K. M. (1993). Grandmothers as Caregivers: Raising Children of the Crack Cocaine Epidemic. Sage Publications. Newbury Park, California.

15. ProudGrandparents.co.uk- Being a Grandparent.

16. Smith, C. J., Beltran, A., Butts, D. M., Kingson, E. R. (2000). Grandparents raising grandchildren: Emerging Program and policy issues for the 21st century. Joournal of Gerontological Social Work, 34(1). 81-94.

17. Uhlenberg, P and Kirby, J. B. (1998). Grandparenthood overtime: Historical and demographic trends in Szinovacz, M. E. (Ed). Handbook on Grandparenthood. Greenwood Press. Westport CT, USA.

18. Waldrop, D. P., Weber, J. A. (2001). From grandparent to caregiver: The stress and satisfaction of raising grandchildren. Families in Society, 82(5), 461-472.

About the Author

Monika Nigam